I will begin a series called Teaching Your Child Respect: Rules and Consequences for the Month of December.  I strongly suggest you wait and read through all the series before you begin to practice.
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Now a days a child is told in school that a parent cannot hit them. And though this is VERY true (see here for Your State laws), there still are ways to educate your child how to respect you and others with out abuse.

The Magic Words are: Consistency, Follow Through, Rules and Consequences.

So here are some tips and facts in teaching your child to respect you, their selves and others.

Before we begin: Write down the Good/Positive aspects of your child, as Many as you can. (if you cannot think of some, ask yourself these question, are they breathing? Are they healthy?)
Write down the Good/Positive aspects of yourself. Remember you are NOT perfect and you are a Parent.  Keep this list in mind when you are reading this process.

So this is how you can do it.

1. Be the role model: If you want your son or daughter to stop loosing control, show them how. You are who they look at…and I AM NOT saying that YOU are always the cause of it all… I’m stating a fact. Children will always look up to parents now matter who you are. Ever hear a child say I still love my mommy even tho she left me?…this is very true. Children need to feel like they are wanted by the people who made them… heck..adults do too.

2. Most behavior is learned. Either at home and/or at school. It is your job as a parent to set the rules and limits. Your teacher is not your babysitter… they are educators of knowledge. Do not expect them to do the work for you. A Therapist will model at times, teach you how to go about it, but at the end of the day… YOU are the Parent…and you will be the one who will “deal/work though/live with” your child.

3. Unleash your own self confidence, not your anger at your children. A child wants and needs rules. They want a parent to be a parent, the person who knows “everything” even though you may not. They want to know that the are secure, they have a safe place to be in. They want to feel and know that no matter what happens, you are there in their lives making the best of it. Too much for you? Well… to bad. You choose to have a child, you choose to then work though it.

BUT my child has a mental disorder…. BUT that should not matter, he or she is still your child, the person you chose to have in your life.  Step up!  “Dude ride the waves.”

4. Respect begets respect. You want your child to respect you, do the same. You want them to be assertive… you already know… then model it.

5. When you say you are going to do something, before you promise think about it, are you going to be able to fulfil the promise? Would you like for someone to promise you something but they don’t come through? NO! So then why would you expect your child to do the same.

6. Set rules. At school children learn to behave because they have class room rules they are able to Visually see the Rules on the wall.. its for a reason, because most children are visual at these ages. AND it helps the teacher revert to something if a child says “I don’t know.”

7. Making to many rules will not help you. Keep them simple.  Make bed, Brush teeth… etc.  Make them a fact. If you say DON’T Do this or Don’t DO that… they will test you even more than they will test you with the simple rules.

8. Review the rules with them, ask them to help you decorate the boarder, include them.

9. Post the Rules in a visible place.

10. Follow your own set rules for the children.

Next Sunday: Part II: Teaching Your Child Respect: Rules and Consequences: How to Implement (ages 4-9)

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia

Disclaimer: I am writing, it is your choice to take my suggestions if you want.

It is the time of the year where you are shopping to buy things for people in your life that make you smile, that at time make you angry and even make you feel nothing…

But giving a gift is more than just buying something to see someone smile… It can be (if you make it) a gesture of peace, of letting someone you care about know how much you know them (by getting them something they like and would actual wear). It can be whatever you want to make it. And I will have to remind you they too will make it whatever they want to make it also. So… since sometimes others may not see if for what you make the gift…i suggest you make a little note… Tell them why you are giving them a gift. A lot of people have lost the use of the card before the gift, and it was meant to inform them the reason why they are receiving their gift.

I hope when you give, you give whole heatedly. That you give something that’s good for the person, not something that would hurt or jeopardize them or their loves ones. AND have fun making or buying the awesome gift you give.

Smile (if you want)

Jes Sofia

I woke up…
I was able to open my eyes, fell the warmth of my covers and I took a deep breath.

I’ve learned that my actions make a reaction. That what I do does come around. That when I’m in the most of darkest of places I’m able to have hope to get me through. I’ve learned…

But I’ve also become aware that my actions mean more than just doing… for others. And I’m grateful that I’m able to do whatever I can with out forgetting about myself, my family and friends. I’m grateful for that.

So the next time you feel like you do not have anything, keep it simple. You are able to think you have nothing, or feel something… you are breathing.  You are able to have hope if you want it, hope to get you to your next endevour. Allow grace to heal your heart, for I’ve learned we not just have one… we give one to everyone we are kind to, we help and give one to.  Sounds like puppies and rainbows, but where would we be with out the puppies and rainbows?

Keep being grateful, filled with the air you breath everyday. Have hope, have gratitude, act for your and other’s better. Make it your wonderful day.

Smile (if you want to)

Jes Sofia